


“If I saw you everyday forever, I would remember this time.”

by sighingfawn



Series: more than my scars. [4]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Swearing, lying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:41:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1605560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sighingfawn/pseuds/sighingfawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juice finally finds home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“If I saw you everyday forever, I would remember this time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!

        Juice pulls himself from the floor about an hour later and goes in search of Chibs. The clubhouse is quiet and busy, and as he walks through to get to the rooms nobody speaks to him. He isn’t sure whether he looks like somebody to avoid or if Jax warned everybody against talking to him. He reaches Chibs’ door and knocks before he can change his mind, Tig opens it and Juice skirts around him before he can say anything.   
“We need to talk.” Juice bounces from foot to foot, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands.   
“Ye think lad?” Chibs stands up from his bed and crowds into Juice forcing him to take a step back.  
“I’ll just shut the door.” Tig says cautiously, looking at Chibs for confirmation before closing the door as quietly as he can.  
“What did you mean?” Juice demands trying to stop his voice from wavering.   
“About what?” Chibs gives him a look and Juice has seen it before. Doctors and teachers and even his parents during his first hospital stay have all looked at him with those tired changed eyes.  
He see’s you, the voice hisses.   
“Why are you scared?”   
Chibs suddenly looks worried. “Forget I said anything lad. Just sort yeself out.”  
“Don’t push me away anymore!” Juice wraps his arms around his stomach and drums his fingers against his ribs.   
“Ye just shocked me. It was nothing.”  
“Do you hate me?”   
“What?” Chibs’ face scrunches in confusion.  
“You don’t talk to me anymore. We used to talk.” He tries not to sound too upset but he knows his face and body language betrays him.  
“When you were a prospect I thought I only looked out for you because you looked so young and scared but when you patched in it was still always you. It’s always been you.”   
Juice pulls his arms tighter around himself. “I never thought...”  
“You wouldn’t let me in so I stopped. I shouldn’t have.” Chibs runs a hand over his face.  
“I’m so sorry Chibbie.”   
“For what lad?” Chibs pushes.  
“Everything. Not noticing. Not saying anything. Today. Me.”  
“Daft lad. You’re sick, that’s not you.” He’s talking so gently that Juice could fall asleep in the sweetness of his voice.  
Yeah right, the voice laughs.  
“I don’t know.” He squeezes his ribcage tighter. “Jax said I have to go to hospital.”   
“You do kid.”   
“I can’t go again Chibbie. It’ll kill me.”  
“You’ve been before?”  
“When I was a teenager. I got really bad. They- I was manic and starving. I was dying. I would climb out my window and walk around town until I couldn’t. There was a snowstorm and they found me lying in the snow.”  
“Christ Juicy. What happened?”  
“They thawed me out then stuck a feeding tube in me. My parents came a few hours later and it was the first and only time I saw them cry. They admitted me for two months that time until I was fat enough for my insurance to run out, Nothing changed except my weight.”  
“Juicy it won’t be like that. You have us.”   
“You.” Juice smiles softly. “I have you. Right?” He asks suddenly, desperately.   
“Aye.” Chibs laughs as he moves closer to Juice ,pressing nervous kisses across his cheekbones and nose as they embrace. Juice closes his eyes at the sweet gesture and can’t help but think about how stupid he’s been and briefly he wonders how many cuts and bruises he inflicted because he thought he would never have a chance with Chibs.  
        And now he’s kissing him, on the mouth, and its more than Juice could ever imagine, the gentleness and love that is behind it makes tears well in Juice’s eyes.   
Its more than you deserve, the voice screams.  
Chibs moved his hands to either side of Juice’s face, cupping his jaw and after a few minutes he pulls away, resting his forehead on Juice’s. Juice opens his eyes and blinks quickly, his eyelashes wet.   
“Oh Juicy.” Chibs guides the lad to his bed and they tangle together with Juice resting his head on his chest.  
“I can’t go back.” He whispers, burrowing his head deeper into his chest.  
“You’ll die if you don’t.”   
“I know. I can do it myself. I don’t need the hospital. It’s like you said, I have the club, and you.” He starts drawing patterns on Chibs stomach, watching as he flinches and squirms, trying to keep his train of thought.  
“But Jax said you have to go.” Chibs mumbles, his breath hitching as Juice draws lower.  
“You could tell him I’m trying. He’ll see that I am. Please.”  
“I-I’ll talk to him. But you have to eat. You have to stop hurting yourself.”   
“I will.” Juice props himself up on his elbow and gives him a practiced bright smile.  
“C’mere.” Chibs pulls him back down onto his chest and rests his chin on top of Juice’s head.   
“Tired.” Juice yawns and Chibs can feel him drooping in his arms.   
“No shit.” Chibs laughs and kisses the top of his head.  
“I can’t believe this happened.” Juice mumbles sleepily.   
“Which part?”  
“Everything”   
There’s a short quiet.  
“We still need to ta-” Chibs gasps as Juice’s fingers scramble under his shirt and travel low near his waistband.  
“Can we just sleep for now?” Juice whispers while running his deft fingers along Chibs’ skin.

  
Juice wakes up while its still dark and a wave of disorientation almost forces him from the unfamiliar embrace of Chibs. He steadies his breathing and counts to ten as he tries to settle the nausea of his stomach which still feels full and stretched from the food Chibbie made him eat before he would let Juice sleep. The voice was quiet while he picked at the burger and fries Chibs made a prospect bring them. Juice made sure their knees touched while they ate. Chibs told him more than once to stop bouncing his leg otherwise he would have to sit on the floor. He ate more than he usually does but less than Chibs thought due to Juice using old tricks he learnt during his first hospital stay. He felt terrible for eating and for lying to his new boyfriend but he knows that if he ever wants to come close to deserving Chibbie then he needs to keep all the self control he has. He squirmed into Chibs as the voice started to snap, the warmth and solidness of Chibs lulling him back to sleep.

 

 


End file.
